Paul Nijar

Spiritual Insights on Your Everyday Troubles

love / relationship

How to Defeat Your Unfaithful Desires

“How do I stop thinking about other girls when I’m in a relationship?”

This is a question I’ve been asked many times. A great number of people have lost the potential of having lasting relationships due to their infidelities or their desire to be with other people. As they come in and out of different relationships, they wonder if they are stuck in a never-ending cycle of relationships that just don’t work. So what’s the diagnosis?

Sounds like you’ve got a case of “wondering eyes syndrome.”

Many of us have that desire toward other people. Perhaps it’s a combination of “the grass is greener on the other side” and just being sexually stimulated by someone new. As the “honeymoon phase” of the relationship comes to an end, we may start to wonder if the relationship has lost its spark.

“My pants got tight as I saw this girl walk past me and my girlfriend. Is this the beginning of the end?”

This could be so. If you find yourself thinking about other people while making love or wishing you were somewhere else with someone else, then yes the relationship may be doomed. When we have desires toward things, they must be explored. Some desires are short-lived, while others keep on going. A desire that goes unmet is one that will eat away at you like cancer.

Our desires never die.

Whenever we have a desire for something, it’s because our higher selves seeks for us to explore it in this lifetime. It can be very challenging to ignore something our higher self seeks of us. What does this mean when it comes to being in relationships? Does it mean that because someone else caught our eye that it’s a calling from our higher self to explore them?

“The secret to a lasting relationship is…cheating!”

Absolutely not! It’s true that our desires must be fulfilled, but it doesn’t mean we have to act out on our sexual impulses. When we have a desire for something, it’s because we feel a void within. Whenever there’s a void, we seek to fill it with something we feel will satisfy it.

“Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.”

The meaningless rock which satisfies nothing more than curiosity will not fill that void. This can only provide a temporary sense of gratification followed by guilt. In order to quench the thirst a desire creates, is to feed it something that will last. But what is the one thing that provides lasting satisfaction?

“Love is eternal while it lasts.” – Henri De Régnier

Many people will debate whether or not love can stand the test of time. When we fill any void with love, the space becomes filled. The vibration that love radiates is far superior to anything. It can change your energetic vibration from seeking to being in the state of total contentment. There’s nothing more we seek when we are feeling love in totality.

Love is the last thing you will seek to find.

Love has the power to overwrite any desire you may have. It also satisfies the quench our higher selves has toward exploring different things in life. Our higher selves vibrates at the same frequency vibration as love. When we find love in different moments, whether it’s toward an individual, an experience or even a pencil, for example, we are radiating a great energetic field. This field of energy charges and nourishes our soul. At this time, there’s nothing else that can divert your attention from it.

Home is where the heart is.

The desires we have typically come from mind consciousness. The mental dialogue that we carry ends up convincing us that we need more than we already have. No matter what new thing or person we put in front of us, the mind will endlessly continue to tell us it’s not good enough. When we switch to heart consciousness, we are home and content. The constant chatter found in the mind, has no place here.

You can only be in a lasting relationship when you fulfill a desire with something that will last.

When your desires start to put a strain on your relationship, connect with love. This doesn’t mean to feel more love for your partner, but rather just to feel love in general. When you are in the space of love, there is no void to be filled and so, you become desireless.

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