Paul Nijar

Spiritual Insights on Your Everyday Troubles

relationship / sex

How to Overcome Bedroom Shyness

“My wife has been playing hiding and go seek with her body for over a year.  Sounds fun right?! Not!!  I’ve yet to find her body!”

This game of hide and go seek is a game that many couples are failing to win at.  It becomes an on-going game that leads to a sexless marriage.  Despite having been with their partner for years, this does nothing to solve the shyness of being naked in front of each other.  Instead, they will tip-toe around each other trying to conceal themselves from prying eyes.

“I spy with my little eye…NOT my naked wife!”

This is an odd thing because the person who one would expect to be the most comfortable around, turns out to be just as much of a threat as any stranger.  This can lead to so many emotional issues and sexual tension in the relationship.  The sex life becomes non-existent and a level of resentment toward one another starts to settle in.

“When I’m mad I turn green, but when I’m sexually frustrated I turn everything upside down!”

The shyness we feel being naked is originated from Eden.  Until the forbidden fruit was eaten, both Adam and Eve frolicked around in the nude without consideration.  Then all of a sudden a sin was committed and BAM!! we’ve been wearing clothes ever since.  The shame we feel toward our own bodies has been a punishment and our clothing has become our imprisonment.

“Don’t look at me!  I’m hideous!”

The shyness we feel in front of our partners will continue to exist until we start to feel safe around them.  We cover up because we fear being judged or not being able to live up to the “ideals” we think our partners have.  Media plays a huge role in defining what an ideal body should look like.  Everyone’s so much hotter on TV!

“The camera adds a few pounds…in the breast, butt, and it adds few inches in height and provides thicker, fuller hair!”

The shame and shyness we feel toward our partners comes from feeling that we are separated from them.  We are all connected spiritually and energetically.  It’s the mind that convinces us otherwise.  Through mind consciousness, we perceive doubt, fear, and separation.

“What’s the opposite of fear?”

When we don’t feel comfortable around our loved ones it’s because we have an inkling of fear. This is an interesting thing because the opposite of fear just so happens to be love. When we truly love, we dive into each other without inhibitions. If you are shy around your partner, it could be due to a misalignment of love. For you, love may exist in the mind, not the heart. True love exists in the heart through heart consciousness. Our relationships are meant to be catalysts toward bringing us back to the heart from the mind.

Home sweet home.

When we live our lives through heart consciousness, we no longer see a separation from one another.  Through the heart we feel compassion and love for even the most contrasting personalities.  It’s here that we start to connect with our partners beyond what the limited 5 senses show us.

“I pretty much only feel comfortable when I’m around you. You’re like the sweatpants of my life.”

Feeling safe and being able to trust your partner comes from being able to connect with them beyond the body.  This isn’t limited to emotional stimulation, but rather it includes connecting with them energetically and spiritually.  When one has an understanding of their higher selves, they understand that we are all in this physical form temporarily, and we are not meant to identify ourselves solely through the body.

“Hey baby, you are radiating this luminescent glow that’s driving my energy centers wild!”

We are all light beings having a physical experience in this life.  When we understand this truth, we will focus more on investing in our eternal energy, over our temporary features.  As our focus on our higher selves’ increases, it’ll reflect on our outer appearance.  This will bring about a level of attraction that rivals any naughty lingerie or any amount of makeup and perfumes.

Feeling shameful toward your spouse is more like co-habiting with a roommate.

Once we connect with our partners beyond the body, we will be able to make love with cosmic bliss.  The sex becomes more than sex, it becomes more than love-making, it becomes a divine union; where two become one.  When this level of oneness is reached, you will take on the liquid state, where there’s no separation between you and your partner.  At this time, you will no longer be shameful or shy in front of your partner any more than you would be toward your own left arm.

Go meditate together.  Get naked.  Make love together.  Join as one! 

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